I have been waiting patiently till Bryce went down for his nap just so I could write this blog. Amongst the 12WBT members that phrase "lightbulb moment" is bandied about so much and sure I have had some realisations along the way but really wondered if I could actually call them lightbulb moments. I mean is it a lightbulb moment if you still struggle a few days later to find your way again. Today I believe I know the answer and have not had a lightbulb moment because it finally came this morning in the middle of my run.
This week for me has been particularly hard with alot of emotional stress and drama from extended family that to put it bluntly really hasn't been necessary. I think for once I actually dealt with it alot better than ever before and feel confident that in future when these sort of conflicts arise I will continue to handle them with more and more ease. And this is where the 12WBT and my Perth Crew family has helped me to realise I just don't need it anymore and I actually now have better confidence in myself that allows me to act better when put into these conflicts.
And so to this morning....
I was on the treadmill completing a 7km run and I really don't enjoy the tready as much as running outside as I tend to get bored. So at about 2km in I was completely bored already and thinking about the week that had just passed. I started thinking about my husband and how great he has been and how much I love him which of course led me to thinking about our beautiful son and just how much I adore him.
It's funny though because even though I have been with my husband for more than 5 years now and a mum for more than 2 I had still been looking for something, it used to leave me feeling bewildered as I had everything I always wanted, I was happy and I had my family. So why the feeling of needing more??
Today, in mid stride sweat dripping off my nose I realised I didn't anymore. The feeling was gone! And I finally realised what was missing....ME!
Whenever I'm doing a hard training session I think, I can't wait till the round is over and I'm at goal and don't have to do this anymore but now I know it's not true. Yes I might ease up a bit because like most things I throw myself in full throttle and to keep up this pace all the time just isn't sustainable for me. But even during the mid round break I missed exercise if I didn't do something most days. I was so active during highschool and have been on and off throughout my life but have never looked after everything all at once, now that I am doing that I have finally found peace, finally found true happiness. I know that this is it for me, I am on my way to a healthy weight (I'm about 3.5kg off a healthy BMI now) and I won't ever go back.
Now all the pieces are in the puzzle and I just can't take the smile off my face. I cannot ever remember feeling so calm (with a little bit of buggered and ready for a rest day thrown in) in my life to date. Today I decided to take myself out to buy some lunch and have just finished what was some of the freshest most delicious Sushi I've eaten. Seems the universe is looking after me, the sun is finally shining and life is going to be fun from here on in!