Wow what a week!! This week I have registered my first gain whilst in a round, during the time between round 2 & 3 I had gains and losses but basically managed to maintain, however this week I had to record a higher weight on the 12wbt website for the first time. I was gutted. I mean what if Michelle Bridges randomly decided to check out my stats that week and saw a gain, does that really reflect all the work I had put in? I really am not sure exactly why it happened as I have eaten clean and exercised but nonetheless the scales went up. So Wednesday for me ended up being an extremely emotional day, not only was I sick and had a 2 year old who was also grumpy and sounding like he too was getting sick, but my usual buddies, the scales, had let me down! And so I called in an early rest day. I physically had no energy and took the unexplained gain as a sign my body was shouting at me to give it a break, one day turned into two as I finally listened to what it was saying and gave it a chance to recover. Come Friday I felt the old itch to get off my butt and get back to training and went out for a slow 6.5km run with Bree, by the end I felt pretty good.
I don't know if it's the universe just trying to test me or what but the scales giving me a kick weren't the only hurdle for me this week. Literally every day I have had people deciding that I need to hear their opinion on how much more weight I should lose - or more correctly I should say shouldn't lose. I can't pinpoint exactly why it makes me so angry but I'm at the point now where I feel as though my next response isn't going to be polite at all. I think it boils down to being irritated that anyone can feel that they can "advise" me on what I should be doing with my body. So far I politely explain that I have not even reached what is considered to be a healthy weight for my height but perhaps next time I should just as politely asked them where they obtained their medical degree from? Oh you don't have one....health degree....nutrition......what no degree??? Ok, well how bout you come back and see me when you are adequately qualified or educated to know better than I do what is right for my body!
I wonder do people get scared that you suddenly have an eating disorder because you get healthy? I am sure had they never met me before and were just seeing me at the beach in my swimmers for the first time, if asked the question I guarantee they would more than likely answer that I could indeed stand to lose more weight. I am not stupid enough to believe I am fat anymore, I catch my reflection in windows, I know what size my clothing is. Yes my brain is still catching up and I am still adjusting to looking like a healthier weight person but I do know there is still some work to be done, I am alot closer than where I was but I sure as hell am not stopping now. The definition is starting to really creep through and I cannot wait to see what my body can do. I am loving my running and loving the freedom it affords me.
I have been called obsessed but you know what I love being obsessed. I would rather be called that for running my heart out and actually doing something for myself than sitting back and being envious of the ones that are doing it like I used to be. I was the fat girl, I am no longer, and if you don't like it you can eat my dust!!!